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Blaze

The soft music kept lingering in the ears

The light was shy and dormant

Two eyes gazed in to each other

With the intensity that could burn the globe

Their breath was pounding heavier and heavier

The warmth in the atmosphere gone ablaze

The bodies lie besides each other

And love danced in grace

The swooning hair, the rough stubble

The collar bone and the neck

The arms and the waist; the chest and the eye

The lips had trembled in harmony

The tongues that danced together to a rhythm

The smiles that shied away

The grasp that got tighter and tighter

Just like your breath was taken away

The legs intermingled in a serpentine caress

The hands painted on their souls

Just like god had infused a goblet of love

Their passion lost control

Fire and storm, light and brightness

Color and white, color and white

Weightless, like breeze, like rain, like a sea

The bliss, the magic, the eternal bliss . . . . . .

Horizon

He stood looking at the sky. It was blue as usual. He kept staring at it and tried to reach its depth. He could see its changing hues and the signs of arrival of dusk. The horizon looked like a painting. The array of colors and the mere symmetry of the composition left him astounded and speechless. The sea below rumbled in its usual gushy manner and it looked red too. Like red wine dancing all over the place. He wondered what would it be like, if he were born as a fish! He would drink up all that red wine and burp and continue swimming. Would he enjoy swimming if he were a fish? He was confused; it was almost like asking him, if he enjoyed living. Well, he thought, “do I enjoy living?” and just before he could think of an answer his mind crumbled in darkness.

“Hey, Rahul! You are sleeping, at this time of the day and in such a place?” asked Smitha. She hugged him from behind and planted a soft kiss on his cheeks.

He opened his eyes slowly and smiled back at her. “Hmmm . . Nothing it’s the warm breeze and this beautiful lighting. . That’s all, he said.”

“You are one romantic moron!” she said. So what are your plans? Tell moi.

He gazed back in to her eyes and asked, “What am I suppose to tell?”

Rahul!!! She said, you know what I m talking about.

“What?”

“Well I am shit tired with this attitude of yours. I thought we are here to talk. Instead, if you are just going to irritate me all day I better get going.” She was almost ready to leave.

He caught hold of her hand and smiled. “Relax baby! Cool it! ”

“Okay! Now you tell me are we getting married or not? I don’t want to feel like a mistress of an eternal bachelor!”

“Is that how you think of me? I thought you loved me and all that!”

“Well, I do love you! But that doesn’t mean I am going to tolerate all your whims and fantasies about life!”

“Wasn’t it my “whims and fantasies . . . .” that, made me look sexy to you?”

“May be, I was naive then! Now I am not. I have changed. ”

“Oh! So you used to love me then! Has it changed now too?”

“Rahul, will you stop this gibberish? Why do I have to go through all this when I speak to you about marriage?”

“May be I am not ready yet!”

“That’s brilliant! You are not ready yet? You never had doubts of being ready when we . . . . . .”

“Shut up! Will you? Did I force you to do anything at all in this relationship? Or were we bound by some two years warranted package that you are talking to me like this?”

“Oh my god! I cannot go through all of this! This is over! You are such a mean. .. . . . . I hate you . . .”

“Well it’s only now that you are admitting it! You just wanted to make sure before you could announce this officially isn’t it?”

“Is it? So I was waiting for all this from two years? I had nothing better to do?”

“Think practically Smitha! You don’t even love me! All you have is an extended list of things I have not done and failed in. Have you ever tried to feel and understand, what I am? Do I have to live up to your definition of me? Can’t I be that way I want to be? Why is it so complicated for you? ”

“Yes! I am a conked female, who is trying to find faults with everything in this world. Thanks for making me feel like this.”

“’Well, if we part now, we can at least maintain our respect or each other as friends. If a little time slips by, we will end up hating each other so much so that, we will never be able to respect each other any more!”

“Ya right! This is over! You coward, son of a bitch! I should have never trusted you! You failed me! You failed me in front of this fuckin world!”

She got up and left . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Rahul sat there looking at her depart. She vanished in to the horizon, but her footsteps remained. Those footsteps in the ground looked like the mockery of nature. Smitha had left some footsteps in Rahul’s heart too.

Rahul gazed at the sky . . . . . . . the sun had almost drowned itself in the red wine, which now looked like whisky. A tear from his eye dropped to the sand below. He thought why is there so much of hatred everywhere? Why can not people love for simple reasons?

He got up and walked toward his car. He dropped his bag in the back seat and sat in the driver’s seat. He started to drive and he drove faster and faster. He had this smile on his face, a smile of accomplishment. He drove through the city, as if he were a kid enjoying the city ride for the first time in his life.

The car was parked. He got out of the car and stood near the door, resting his arms on them. He looked up, towards the dark sky, were stars twinkled. It was a no moon night. He took a deep breath, slammed the door and walked inside the building.

He entered Ashoks chamber. “So Rahul, can we start your chemotherapy tonight?”

“Yes doc you can”

“Nobody from your family is going to be here?”

“My mom will arrive any time”

“Okie you go and change yourself. The Nurse will help you. Don’t panic! Everything will be fine!”

“Fine??? Don’t kid me doctor! Who are you trying to fool? Yourself or me?” he walked into the patients ward.

Ashok stood there pale and shaken.

All’s well in life generally. Only death and love change everything.

silent meloncholy

To the flower that has bloomed in my garden

I asked . . .. do you smile all the time?

The flower stood silent listening to the song

The song that the breeze whispered in its ears

It danced and swayed in beautiful harmony

And I stood besides it and watched its magic

I had the vibrant air all around me

Like an electric commotion that has filled the air

I asked the flower, do you dance all the time?

And the flower stood in silence gazing at me

Its redness was deeper than red and its color more colorful

Its brightness brighter than the light

I waited in expectation for the flower to speak

And its fragrance filled my heart

I silently let the intoxication deluge me

And wondered what this melancholy is?

What a fool, melancholy how could it be?

It was love that had spurred out

It was magic of silence that spoke to me

That words, can never live up to

We look for answers to all the questions

In vein, some answers don’t exist

Let them just speak to you

In their silent melancholy . . . . .

Cheers to freedom

To the eyes that gaze at me

From the distance...

The love in them is unbearable

Oh, so much that I cannot stand it

Your life seems to blend in me

With an obscurity that is silent

Your glance can pierce through my body

Like a sword that propels

Your words seem to holler

In circles infinite

Your smiles seem to hover upon

My innocent mind

Oh life, thou art my deepest emotion

But aren’t thou an illusion?

Hey you, what is thy name?

Maaya is it not??

Well I shall not seek thee

And shall always be free, free , free

gazed into eternity

To the eyes that have never been

To the “I” that has died away

To the “US” that faded out

To the “love” that was dead and gone!

He wrote on a piece of paper and gazed it for hours. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he gazed into infinity. He had many reasons and many answers, but all of them seemed too meager before a few big questions. Questions that could kill him and devastate him from within. Every moment seemed like a never ending tryst with destiny.

When it began life was full of roses and color. Every moment seemed important and precious. Dressing was such an elaborate exercise and he had to look good no matter what! He spent hours deciding the colors to wear and the lines to recite in the meetings. He wanted to look smart but yet grounded and firm. He wanted to project a class and show some élan with which he would conduct himself. Life looked so beautiful and meaningful, so fresh and real.

Months passed by and they shared an unmatched compatibility. Every single word that was uttered was like honey and smelled like perfumes. Every smile looked seductive and cozy. Every silence sounded so musical. Their bodies mingled into one another and every touch seemed like paradise. There were moments of desperate confusions too . . . . is this love? Is this too much? Too less? Ignorance? Arrogance? Purposeful? Arbitrary? Meaningful? Etc. All the questions remained unanswered and life still seemed meaningful.

But what happened now? Why this distance? Why this hatred and where does all the irritation come from? He was shocked and paranoid! What was once so True and valuable now seemed meaningless. All the laughter had turned into pain and all the light into darkness. Is it wrong to fall in love?

What is love he thought? Does love have any meaning? He gazed into darkness now for hours together. He realized that he was alone. He looked through the darkness and felt a wave of water splash at him!

It was the dream of a sea he had seen!!!

He son realized love is like a sea, deep, mysterious yet turbulent on the surface. Shimmering on the surface and dark within. Life on the banks and death within.

What an illusion he thought! How did I fall into it?

He read the few lines he had written again . . . . .

To the eyes that have never been – because it was what he wanted to see that he saw and not what has been . .. .

To the “I” that has died away – change and metamorphosis that love has induced into his personality

To the “US” that faded out – the dreams and questions remain mysterious

To the “love” that was dead and gone! – for now there is only pain and resentment

n - - - - - - - ---- - - - - --

He looked into the mirror and cried like a baby. Washed his face and wiped it towel dry. He shred his clothes and walked to the terrace of the building. Closed his eyes and took a deep breath . . . . .

People were walking on the road and saw a man falling from the ceiling. Before any medical supply could arrive he closed his eyes into eternity.

All was over . . . . . . .. . … . Only darkness shall remain . . . for ever and ever . . .

VICKZ KI GOLI LO.. KICH KICH DUR KARO

Well this will be an extended feature from my older series “ODE TO FRIENDSHIP” ….

What do you call a man who is lost in his fantasies, but is yet rooted firmly to the ground? A man who is constantly fighting his tryst with destiny and yet is still a child? A man who is lost in life but has always caught hold of himself? A man who searches for meanings in everything and is yet unaware of his own meaningfulness?

I call him a friend!!

A friend who has been and who will be!

A friend who has seen and who shall see!

Vikram! Is a name I always recall with a smile! He is a strange mixture of opposites. His concoction of madness and innocence engulfs me in its fantasy, a fantasy that I look for and a fantasy that I enjoy.

As friends we have an amazing connection, I can sense when he needs me and when he doesn’t and he same goes for him. I have seen him blossom into something commendable and stable. I am very happy for him and hope he carves a niche for himself.

Its always said that u hardly remember achievers!! You always remember people who you love and when I have the time to sit back and recall people I love and long to be with, your innocent face and an inquisitive set of thousand questions will always etch an influence on me. . . . Here’s to Vikram! One of the entities I love to posses and one of those treasures that make me feel special!

i dont know .. how to name it?

It was very noisy and crowded; they sat facing each other in silence and looked into each others eyes with smiles. They had loads to speak and loads to express, but all that was running in their mind was that they needed to get out of this place. Weekends always witness a fully crowded ambiance where ever you go, so they decided not to go to any conventional place. They just decided to walk in the silent residential lanes of the city. They set out on this night walk . . . .

The night was very romantic. The full moon subtly radiated and aura of warmth through the darkness of the cold night. The zephyr was lilting and dancing through the spaces. They walked for a while talking about so many things that both don’t probably even remember today, simply because what was said was what was “not to be” and what was not said was what was “to be”. They walked slowly down the lane in silence after some while, breathing heavily and in anxiety. One of them clasped the hand of the other suddenly; there was a streaming rush of warmth throughout their bodies and they came closer to each other. Their bodies mingled with each other with a magical bliss and they caressed each other to the depths of their souls. They walked slowly and stood for a while, looked into each other with tears in their eyes. They hugged each other tightly and kissed each other with a passion that cannot be spoken for.

They hoped that the night ran into eternity, but practicality had its due course to play. They decided that they have to leave to their houses. They part with great difficulty.

Why do people meet? Why do they part?

What is love .. of life. . what is thou art?

What is passion? What is pain?

What is reason? What is insane?

What is happiness and what is joy?

When all I can think of is you and I!

Why do I feel you next to me?

What was it that had bonded us?

That warmth still caresses my heart!
My body and soul still tremble for thee!

The distance between us and the differences ruled upon us

For togetherness and love was not meant to be

I know we are different and never again bonded together

Because I am alone and alone shall I be

What was it that had brought us to oneness and joy?

Was it meant TO BE OR NOT TO BE??

Many alien questions still dawn upon them now and then and later fade away into the abyss of regularity. They smile for each other and cry sometimes too, but will never love one another the way they did once!

The evening has set and there is cool breeze . . . . . . . its drizzling too in an unknown yet soft rhythm .. . . . tears just drop from the inner eye . . . . and in this moment of loneliness and emptiness there is a strong dance of love . . . . . . . like the flames of the candle dance to the wind, in the solitude of darkness .. to the rhythm of silence . . to the reality that prevails always.. to be or not to be . . .

a . . . . . . . . . ................................... lone?

To all the melodies unheard

To all the words that are unsaid

To all the emotions unexpressed

To all the pain that has never hurt

To all the strength that was never gathered

To all the fear that has never evaded

To all the smiles that never surface

To all the joy that never shimmers

To all the poetry that was never written

To all the colors that were never sprayed

To all the anger that was never let out

To all the love that has never survived

I only have one question to ask . . .

What have you done to me?

Why am I so complete and yet incomplete?

Why am I so full and yet empty?

Why am I so happy and yet sad?

Why am I so content and yet carving?

Why am I so confident and yet jittery?

Why am I so funny and yet melancholic?

Why am I what I am?

Why am I lonely?

New Morning

Its a new dawn, a new hope
I am filled with this immense sense of joy
The world looks new and the air vibrant
Light all around me amidst the cloudy skies


A new smile a new tear
Oh what has happened to me ?
Am I reborn again?
Am I seeing the unseen?


When the cold air strikes your heart
When the rain ignites passion in you
When the morning brings joy to you, is
When you realize the worlds still not a bad place . . . . . . . . .

Bliss of Childhood

My sister is busy rehearsing for her one woman theater performance to be launched shortly. I am providing music for the play. During the rehearsals i catch many glimpses of life from her dialogs . . . . one such dialog the protagonist says is,

oh balyave elli hode . in kannada . .

it means .. . oh childhood where did u vanish????

may be thats the question that bothers all of us!!! wasn't child hood and the innocence that engulfed a bliss? I miss being a child. Now the world is no longer an exiting or interesting place . . there are no dreams, there are no joys . . . there is only harsh reality and this reality consumes you onto itself. . . . .

here are glimpses from a childhood fantasy that my brother's son Amogh has . of being spiderman . . i wish life is as beautiful for him all way long . . . :)

NAMESAKE . . . . . . . . . . .

Ahhh there after a long time . . . ..

I recently watched this amazing movie and could not keep myself from writing about it. Sometimes you feel so small and diminished before the power of art. The value of art is in emulating a sense of finding something that has been lost. As a student of cinema and as a layman I had been lost in the search for something really substantial in the past few days. Well this movie got me back to my tracks . . . the movie I am talking about is

NAMESAKE

The winners of the movie :

Mira Nair for her amazing insight into pictorial portrayal of human emotions. Amazing shots and mind boggling imagery. The movie speaks more with the montage of images and less with the dialogues.

Tabu as usual for her wonderful and splendid performance. Her sensuous and very intriguing looks, and of course for her portrayal of the character in an almost error free performance.

Irfan Khan for his undoubtedly mature performance and immaculate timing and character adaptation.

Nikhiul Sahwni : for amazing music. The bits and pieces of Hamsadhwani in the Bhansuri leave you dumbfounded and the marriage of classy music, classy imagery and super classy acting, makes this movie a must watch for all sensible cinema buffs.

I just loved the movie way too much and still carry the scenes and performances with me today in my mind. It is when you realize the movie is really good. It plays on your mind more strongly even after a couple of days pass by.
Hats off . . . to NAMESAKE!!!

I just wanna be happy . . .

There are a thousand reasons for you to smile
A thousand more for you to cry
A thousand to live
Thousand more to die

Between the constant struggle of winning and loosing; living and wanting to die etc. you always look for one answer . . . .

What is the purpose of my existence???

You have a thousand dreams
A thousand more that shall be formed
You have a thousand failures
A thousand more yet to come

Between dreams and reality; failures and success you always search for one answer

Who am I ?

The answers to the questions are very simple and basic and yet would survive through the entire generation of human life cycle.

Simply because, these simple and basic facts rule the profoundness of human life. in our struggles and aspirations to win and loose, we always forget one thing . . . . and that is . .. . . are we happy???

If happiness is anything. . it is something within us . . . we have to find it and cherish it . . .live it and live for it . . . .

With happiness and lot of satisfaction. . Everything in this world looks small . . .

Everything I this world looks beautiful . . . .

Everything in the world is ruled by happiness. .

Some allow it to rule over them and some run away from it . . .

I have realized that being happy is simple . .

But it is the simplicity that people don’t understand. .

Nannu Paalimpa . . . .

Well I thought I should share some involved moments that I captured from my sirs concert recently.

I don’t know what it is, but it is a vivid experience every time you listen to sir. This time I was mesmerized with the Mohana that sir sang. It was very simple but yet so very elegant. I was thrilled at the depth that he reached and and the beauty he infused into that simplicity.

Here are a few glimpses of that memorable moment.

Pursuit Of HappYness!!

I just saw a movie that has left me transformed for life!! If anybody has to wonder, what a movie can do, this movie is something that they should watch!

I am talking about “The pursuit of happyness” . . .

I think it will be the most cherished movie of my life! There are some scenes and performances in this film that can touch you with an impact and profoundness that you cant even imagine with. The essence of the film is to survive! And surviving with a smile! No regrets, no sulking and no complaining; only surviving and winning!

What determination and willpower can do is what is portrayed in this film with class and meaning. Amazing performances and mind blowing script. This is a movie that I would want to cherish and savor for a long time!

We all sometimes loose ourselves inn the stifle and struggle of our egos. What we don’t do is thinking big and respecting our dreams. If we learn to honor our dreams and give our best to it, then there is nothing else in life but happiness.

It might be a career or a relationship, what one needs to do is genuinely involve oneself. There is nothing called winning and loosing, there is only growing. We should give our best at what ever we do and we will definitely seek happiness no matter what the consequences are.

Holding hands and taking a silent walk, hugging with intimacy, laughing for no reason . . . . all this with genuineness and involvement can give you bliss. But if half of you is involved in expectations of returns from what you do .. . . . . . . there will only be expectations and no happiness.

just for nags!!!

You have many questions and answers are few
You desperately seek the meaning of so many things around you
You have been left silence and words that never reach you
And yet you have so many blames put up against you

Sometimes I feel is this world fare enough?
Sometimes I feel like I have to pay for others mistake
Sometimes I feel like I have been put to treachery and test
Sometimes I just feel like I have been treated like a pest

You just want to open your eyes
And cry your heart out
Break into pieces
And screech your mind off
Burn your soul
And never ever desire again
Kill my self
And never be born again

Other times everything seems so trivial
You just want to smile
For reasons unknown
For opportunities yet to arrive
And laughter that will surpass all your agonies

LOVE

when true love hits you . . you only know to smile . . . .

i m back after a hectic and busy three week performing schedule .. . . life is good!!!

I am having a great time. I had earlier believed that love is all about "me and you" . . . . all about "fight and frowns" . . all about "ego and rights " . . .

but now i know . . when true love hits you you probably forget "you and me " and become a "us" . . . ."i and you" becomes "we" . . . . . and .. . . .

there is no testing, mind games, fighting, sulking and iritating . .

love is all about missing, finding, smiling and being in ecstatic joy . . . . . .

love is realising you can smile and feeling like you have heightned priorities in your life . . .

love is not wasting any opportunity and love is not a film story!!!

it is reality and in reality . ..... there can only be god and bliss . . . .

My new Look

Hey guys I got a new Geeky Look .. just to scare away all the fun mongers . .. "hey .. i m a geek . . . . . stay away . . and leave me in my world "

WHAT SAY ?????????

Glimpse

Glimpses from
Phalguns wedding and Vaadiraaja Arradhana for friends who couldn make it and are missing it badly in the US !!

arz kiya hein!

Muskaraa rahe hein hum jee bhar ke

Hume paagal na kabi samajhna

Paagal to ye zamaana hein

Jiska vajood hein rona aur rulana