He stood looking at the sky. It was blue as usual. He kept staring at it and tried to reach its depth. He could see its changing hues and the signs of arrival of dusk. The horizon looked like a painting. The array of colors and the mere symmetry of the composition left him astounded and speechless. The sea below rumbled in its usual gushy manner and it looked red too. Like red wine dancing all over the place. He wondered what would it be like, if he were born as a fish! He would drink up all that red wine and burp and continue swimming. Would he enjoy swimming if he were a fish? He was confused; it was almost like asking him, if he enjoyed living. Well, he thought, “do I enjoy living?” and just before he could think of an answer his mind crumbled in darkness.
“Hey, Rahul! You are sleeping, at this time of the day and in such a place?” asked Smitha. She hugged him from behind and planted a soft kiss on his cheeks.
He opened his eyes slowly and smiled back at her. “Hmmm . . Nothing it’s the warm breeze and this beautiful lighting. . That’s all, he said.”
“You are one romantic moron!” she said. So what are your plans? Tell moi.
He gazed back in to her eyes and asked, “What am I suppose to tell?”
Rahul!!! She said, you know what I m talking about.
“What?”
“Well I am shit tired with this attitude of yours. I thought we are here to talk. Instead, if you are just going to irritate me all day I better get going.” She was almost ready to leave.
He caught hold of her hand and smiled. “Relax baby! Cool it! ”
“Okay! Now you tell me are we getting married or not? I don’t want to feel like a mistress of an eternal bachelor!”
“Is that how you think of me? I thought you loved me and all that!”
“Well, I do love you! But that doesn’t mean I am going to tolerate all your whims and fantasies about life!”
“Wasn’t it my “whims and fantasies . . . .” that, made me look sexy to you?”
“May be, I was naive then! Now I am not. I have changed. ”
“Oh! So you used to love me then! Has it changed now too?”
“Rahul, will you stop this gibberish? Why do I have to go through all this when I speak to you about marriage?”
“May be I am not ready yet!”
“That’s brilliant! You are not ready yet? You never had doubts of being ready when we . . . . . .”
“Shut up! Will you? Did I force you to do anything at all in this relationship? Or were we bound by some two years warranted package that you are talking to me like this?”
“Oh my god! I cannot go through all of this! This is over! You are such a mean. .. . . . . I hate you . . .”
“Well it’s only now that you are admitting it! You just wanted to make sure before you could announce this officially isn’t it?”
“Is it? So I was waiting for all this from two years? I had nothing better to do?”
“Think practically Smitha! You don’t even love me! All you have is an extended list of things I have not done and failed in. Have you ever tried to feel and understand, what I am? Do I have to live up to your definition of me? Can’t I be that way I want to be? Why is it so complicated for you? ”
“Yes! I am a conked female, who is trying to find faults with everything in this world. Thanks for making me feel like this.”
“’Well, if we part now, we can at least maintain our respect or each other as friends. If a little time slips by, we will end up hating each other so much so that, we will never be able to respect each other any more!”
“Ya right! This is over! You coward, son of a bitch! I should have never trusted you! You failed me! You failed me in front of this fuckin world!”
She got up and left . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Rahul sat there looking at her depart. She vanished in to the horizon, but her footsteps remained. Those footsteps in the ground looked like the mockery of nature. Smitha had left some footsteps in Rahul’s heart too.
Rahul gazed at the sky . . . . . . . the sun had almost drowned itself in the red wine, which now looked like whisky. A tear from his eye dropped to the sand below. He thought why is there so much of hatred everywhere? Why can not people love for simple reasons?
He got up and walked toward his car. He dropped his bag in the back seat and sat in the driver’s seat. He started to drive and he drove faster and faster. He had this smile on his face, a smile of accomplishment. He drove through the city, as if he were a kid enjoying the city ride for the first time in his life.
The car was parked. He got out of the car and stood near the door, resting his arms on them. He looked up, towards the dark sky, were stars twinkled. It was a no moon night. He took a deep breath, slammed the door and walked inside the building.
He entered Ashoks chamber. “So Rahul, can we start your chemotherapy tonight?”
“Yes doc you can”
“Nobody from your family is going to be here?”
“My mom will arrive any time”
“Okie you go and change yourself. The Nurse will help you. Don’t panic! Everything will be fine!”
“Fine??? Don’t kid me doctor! Who are you trying to fool? Yourself or me?” he walked into the patients ward.
Ashok stood there pale and shaken.
All’s well in life generally. Only death and love change everything.
