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Blaze

The soft music kept lingering in the ears

The light was shy and dormant

Two eyes gazed in to each other

With the intensity that could burn the globe

Their breath was pounding heavier and heavier

The warmth in the atmosphere gone ablaze

The bodies lie besides each other

And love danced in grace

The swooning hair, the rough stubble

The collar bone and the neck

The arms and the waist; the chest and the eye

The lips had trembled in harmony

The tongues that danced together to a rhythm

The smiles that shied away

The grasp that got tighter and tighter

Just like your breath was taken away

The legs intermingled in a serpentine caress

The hands painted on their souls

Just like god had infused a goblet of love

Their passion lost control

Fire and storm, light and brightness

Color and white, color and white

Weightless, like breeze, like rain, like a sea

The bliss, the magic, the eternal bliss . . . . . .

Horizon

He stood looking at the sky. It was blue as usual. He kept staring at it and tried to reach its depth. He could see its changing hues and the signs of arrival of dusk. The horizon looked like a painting. The array of colors and the mere symmetry of the composition left him astounded and speechless. The sea below rumbled in its usual gushy manner and it looked red too. Like red wine dancing all over the place. He wondered what would it be like, if he were born as a fish! He would drink up all that red wine and burp and continue swimming. Would he enjoy swimming if he were a fish? He was confused; it was almost like asking him, if he enjoyed living. Well, he thought, “do I enjoy living?” and just before he could think of an answer his mind crumbled in darkness.

“Hey, Rahul! You are sleeping, at this time of the day and in such a place?” asked Smitha. She hugged him from behind and planted a soft kiss on his cheeks.

He opened his eyes slowly and smiled back at her. “Hmmm . . Nothing it’s the warm breeze and this beautiful lighting. . That’s all, he said.”

“You are one romantic moron!” she said. So what are your plans? Tell moi.

He gazed back in to her eyes and asked, “What am I suppose to tell?”

Rahul!!! She said, you know what I m talking about.

“What?”

“Well I am shit tired with this attitude of yours. I thought we are here to talk. Instead, if you are just going to irritate me all day I better get going.” She was almost ready to leave.

He caught hold of her hand and smiled. “Relax baby! Cool it! ”

“Okay! Now you tell me are we getting married or not? I don’t want to feel like a mistress of an eternal bachelor!”

“Is that how you think of me? I thought you loved me and all that!”

“Well, I do love you! But that doesn’t mean I am going to tolerate all your whims and fantasies about life!”

“Wasn’t it my “whims and fantasies . . . .” that, made me look sexy to you?”

“May be, I was naive then! Now I am not. I have changed. ”

“Oh! So you used to love me then! Has it changed now too?”

“Rahul, will you stop this gibberish? Why do I have to go through all this when I speak to you about marriage?”

“May be I am not ready yet!”

“That’s brilliant! You are not ready yet? You never had doubts of being ready when we . . . . . .”

“Shut up! Will you? Did I force you to do anything at all in this relationship? Or were we bound by some two years warranted package that you are talking to me like this?”

“Oh my god! I cannot go through all of this! This is over! You are such a mean. .. . . . . I hate you . . .”

“Well it’s only now that you are admitting it! You just wanted to make sure before you could announce this officially isn’t it?”

“Is it? So I was waiting for all this from two years? I had nothing better to do?”

“Think practically Smitha! You don’t even love me! All you have is an extended list of things I have not done and failed in. Have you ever tried to feel and understand, what I am? Do I have to live up to your definition of me? Can’t I be that way I want to be? Why is it so complicated for you? ”

“Yes! I am a conked female, who is trying to find faults with everything in this world. Thanks for making me feel like this.”

“’Well, if we part now, we can at least maintain our respect or each other as friends. If a little time slips by, we will end up hating each other so much so that, we will never be able to respect each other any more!”

“Ya right! This is over! You coward, son of a bitch! I should have never trusted you! You failed me! You failed me in front of this fuckin world!”

She got up and left . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Rahul sat there looking at her depart. She vanished in to the horizon, but her footsteps remained. Those footsteps in the ground looked like the mockery of nature. Smitha had left some footsteps in Rahul’s heart too.

Rahul gazed at the sky . . . . . . . the sun had almost drowned itself in the red wine, which now looked like whisky. A tear from his eye dropped to the sand below. He thought why is there so much of hatred everywhere? Why can not people love for simple reasons?

He got up and walked toward his car. He dropped his bag in the back seat and sat in the driver’s seat. He started to drive and he drove faster and faster. He had this smile on his face, a smile of accomplishment. He drove through the city, as if he were a kid enjoying the city ride for the first time in his life.

The car was parked. He got out of the car and stood near the door, resting his arms on them. He looked up, towards the dark sky, were stars twinkled. It was a no moon night. He took a deep breath, slammed the door and walked inside the building.

He entered Ashoks chamber. “So Rahul, can we start your chemotherapy tonight?”

“Yes doc you can”

“Nobody from your family is going to be here?”

“My mom will arrive any time”

“Okie you go and change yourself. The Nurse will help you. Don’t panic! Everything will be fine!”

“Fine??? Don’t kid me doctor! Who are you trying to fool? Yourself or me?” he walked into the patients ward.

Ashok stood there pale and shaken.

All’s well in life generally. Only death and love change everything.

silent meloncholy

To the flower that has bloomed in my garden

I asked . . .. do you smile all the time?

The flower stood silent listening to the song

The song that the breeze whispered in its ears

It danced and swayed in beautiful harmony

And I stood besides it and watched its magic

I had the vibrant air all around me

Like an electric commotion that has filled the air

I asked the flower, do you dance all the time?

And the flower stood in silence gazing at me

Its redness was deeper than red and its color more colorful

Its brightness brighter than the light

I waited in expectation for the flower to speak

And its fragrance filled my heart

I silently let the intoxication deluge me

And wondered what this melancholy is?

What a fool, melancholy how could it be?

It was love that had spurred out

It was magic of silence that spoke to me

That words, can never live up to

We look for answers to all the questions

In vein, some answers don’t exist

Let them just speak to you

In their silent melancholy . . . . .

Cheers to freedom

To the eyes that gaze at me

From the distance...

The love in them is unbearable

Oh, so much that I cannot stand it

Your life seems to blend in me

With an obscurity that is silent

Your glance can pierce through my body

Like a sword that propels

Your words seem to holler

In circles infinite

Your smiles seem to hover upon

My innocent mind

Oh life, thou art my deepest emotion

But aren’t thou an illusion?

Hey you, what is thy name?

Maaya is it not??

Well I shall not seek thee

And shall always be free, free , free

gazed into eternity

To the eyes that have never been

To the “I” that has died away

To the “US” that faded out

To the “love” that was dead and gone!

He wrote on a piece of paper and gazed it for hours. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he gazed into infinity. He had many reasons and many answers, but all of them seemed too meager before a few big questions. Questions that could kill him and devastate him from within. Every moment seemed like a never ending tryst with destiny.

When it began life was full of roses and color. Every moment seemed important and precious. Dressing was such an elaborate exercise and he had to look good no matter what! He spent hours deciding the colors to wear and the lines to recite in the meetings. He wanted to look smart but yet grounded and firm. He wanted to project a class and show some élan with which he would conduct himself. Life looked so beautiful and meaningful, so fresh and real.

Months passed by and they shared an unmatched compatibility. Every single word that was uttered was like honey and smelled like perfumes. Every smile looked seductive and cozy. Every silence sounded so musical. Their bodies mingled into one another and every touch seemed like paradise. There were moments of desperate confusions too . . . . is this love? Is this too much? Too less? Ignorance? Arrogance? Purposeful? Arbitrary? Meaningful? Etc. All the questions remained unanswered and life still seemed meaningful.

But what happened now? Why this distance? Why this hatred and where does all the irritation come from? He was shocked and paranoid! What was once so True and valuable now seemed meaningless. All the laughter had turned into pain and all the light into darkness. Is it wrong to fall in love?

What is love he thought? Does love have any meaning? He gazed into darkness now for hours together. He realized that he was alone. He looked through the darkness and felt a wave of water splash at him!

It was the dream of a sea he had seen!!!

He son realized love is like a sea, deep, mysterious yet turbulent on the surface. Shimmering on the surface and dark within. Life on the banks and death within.

What an illusion he thought! How did I fall into it?

He read the few lines he had written again . . . . .

To the eyes that have never been – because it was what he wanted to see that he saw and not what has been . .. .

To the “I” that has died away – change and metamorphosis that love has induced into his personality

To the “US” that faded out – the dreams and questions remain mysterious

To the “love” that was dead and gone! – for now there is only pain and resentment

n - - - - - - - ---- - - - - --

He looked into the mirror and cried like a baby. Washed his face and wiped it towel dry. He shred his clothes and walked to the terrace of the building. Closed his eyes and took a deep breath . . . . .

People were walking on the road and saw a man falling from the ceiling. Before any medical supply could arrive he closed his eyes into eternity.

All was over . . . . . . .. . … . Only darkness shall remain . . . for ever and ever . . .

VICKZ KI GOLI LO.. KICH KICH DUR KARO

Well this will be an extended feature from my older series “ODE TO FRIENDSHIP” ….

What do you call a man who is lost in his fantasies, but is yet rooted firmly to the ground? A man who is constantly fighting his tryst with destiny and yet is still a child? A man who is lost in life but has always caught hold of himself? A man who searches for meanings in everything and is yet unaware of his own meaningfulness?

I call him a friend!!

A friend who has been and who will be!

A friend who has seen and who shall see!

Vikram! Is a name I always recall with a smile! He is a strange mixture of opposites. His concoction of madness and innocence engulfs me in its fantasy, a fantasy that I look for and a fantasy that I enjoy.

As friends we have an amazing connection, I can sense when he needs me and when he doesn’t and he same goes for him. I have seen him blossom into something commendable and stable. I am very happy for him and hope he carves a niche for himself.

Its always said that u hardly remember achievers!! You always remember people who you love and when I have the time to sit back and recall people I love and long to be with, your innocent face and an inquisitive set of thousand questions will always etch an influence on me. . . . Here’s to Vikram! One of the entities I love to posses and one of those treasures that make me feel special!